I seriously don't have a clue what the hell is happening here. My Facebook profile went down, which is propably best for everyone. It made me very sad though, and left me with a feeling of astounding incredulity. So... I'm alone again. And maybe that is something I'm best at. And to be frankly, why would I want to condemn someone dear to me a torment of being with someone like me. So, that's best for us all. Eventually at least.

I wrote something to Lily, but I think she never got it. Or if she did, she'd just thrown some well aimed Incendio towards it at the moment my note arrived to her sight. And that is just what I deserve, I guess.

*sigh*

My last letter to Lily

I'm not sure if I understand, but if the things are as they seem to be, then I really don't understand!!! If you are referring in your previous message (You wrote: "I hope you'll find numerous Lilys to talk to. in real life as you mentioned") to my comments in here, then you have got it so totally wrong.  I don't want to talk to other Lilies, what I tried to tell you there was that it would have been an interesting picture... Not much use explaining that any further I guess. *sigh*

I sometimes dissosiate myself from my feelings (learnt that from a very young age) and don't understand things or situations like for example you. I've been through hell (thanks to my father and marauders for example) and I would not have survived it all, if I had not learnt to dissosiate myself from the feelings aroused in the difficult situations. That seems to make me also insensitive of others feelings, not because I want to, but because I don't see them, I don't understand them, but I try.

I can't help this, I try, but I can't be something I am not (even if I desperately want to). Besides... I already said I'm sorry. What more can I do. If there is anything, just tell me and I'll do it. But please, please don't leave me... not again... Or if you have to, then leave me, but don't leave your other friends, they love you dearly (as do I), and they'd be devastated to lose you because of me. *bangs his head to the table* I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please forgive me, because I never meant to hurt you, and I never realised that I did. And even if you have mercy on me,  I can never forgive myself.

 

With deepest grief and remorse and never fading love,

 

yours Severus